Hello my loves,
I spent endless hours thinking if I should write this post or not. In the end, I thought this is my little corner in the wide world where I can share everything. And I do feel that I owe you an apology (hint: barely any posts). Also I think maybe this helps one or two of you (let me no, if it does, that would mean a great deal to me). Also my friend said on Friday that I express my feelings in a very plastic, understanding way, so that she can actually feel how I feel (today is gonna be all about feelings), so I hope I can help anyone who feels similar to me understand that he or she is not alone. Also writing everything down always releases me.
Enough reasons right? So basically this is going to be a little 2014 review, an update on how I feel now and how I look into the future. It is going to be a lot about “feelings” and “emotions”. Not in the mood for that? Don’t worry you can sign of now and enjoy a happy fourth of advent : )
2014. Thesis. Exams. Heartbreak. Those are the first things that pop into my head. Not so positive. The truth: I don’t think 2014 has been such a great year. BUT it has been a great year of opportunities for me to learn – and no one ever said learning is easy and all positive, right? Academic learning, but even more for personal growth! The biggest lesson of this year for me has definitely been: Listen to your heart and not the one from anyone else! And I can proudly say that I am getting better at it. I’ve been pushed to my boundaries more than once throughout those 12 months. There was this moment when I didn’t pass one of my finals, when a world crashed above my head and when I had to push myself to attend the one that came after. There was this moment when I heard about family events that made me so upset and heart broken. There was this doubt getting louder and louder if I studied the right thing. There was all this anxiety and insecurity about my future creeping up in me and paralyzing me to do great. There was this moment when I could feel that my relationship with my bf was not going that well anymore. And finally there was the moment my heart broke when the relationship came to an end.
So now I am sitting here. I am not okay. I am single. I am heartbroken. I am sad. I cry. I am tired.
BUT, apart from all this I feel an incredible strength in me that I am going to figure everything out and I KNOW that in the end I will find my pot of gold. I am free. The recent events, as bad as they might have been, set me free! It is like someone pushed reset and now I can start over again. And you know what? I love it! It is great! Apart from everything I do feel happy, relaxed and as I said, strong within me.
Next year I will redo my final between April and May. After Christmas I will redecorate the flat I’ve been sharing with my bf for the last year – He is going to the states for 6 months in a couple of days, so I will be all on my own, which I am super excited about – hello awesome office space! By June I will be done with my studies, I will be moved out and than I will be free to I’ve my dream! Oh yes, my friends, I can feel the changes coming – I KNOW that they are coming. It might not be easy at first, but I will push through and I will discover amazing things at the end.
Is it weird that I feel this intense wisdom that I will do great? Maybe, maybe not. Either way it feels great! I think it is due to Soul Sessions by Dr. Danielle Dowling that I’ve been working with the last weeks (Be excited about a review right at the beginning of the new year!).
It is a mixed up combination of emotions and every minute I might react a little different. One moment I cry, feel weak, feel insecure, miss my bf and the next moment I feel strong, I smile, I am happy. It is a little annoying to feel this unstable and I have one tiny problem: I am super harsh on myself. All my relationship drama happened over the last three weeks – not that long ago, right? – still I expect myself to be all good and cheerful. But things take time! Again, opportunity for me to learn!
So my loves, this is it. My life right in this moment. I am super excited to spent time with my family on Christmas. I am excited to create a little office area for myself. I am excited to start running again. I am excited to eat healthy again (so much chocolate the last weeks). I am excited to start some projects here on the blog. I am excited to grow and learn. I am excited to read some amazing books. Even though everything is a little off right now, there are tons of things I am happy and excited about. Don’t give up when you’re stuck in a situation like me! Look forward. Find the love and amazingness in your life. Create it. Know that you are not alone. One of my happy places is YOU. Thank you for reading, for every comment you have a written or made up in your head. Thank you for your support and help. I love you all!
Happy fourth of advent! Christmas is almost here!