Sometimes life doesn’t go as you planned. Sometimes it just happens. And last week it did.
As you probably all know, I am in the middle of my exams. I’ve always been a good student, not always A’s, but good enough to pass, be happy and get accepted at the college of my choice. Until last week my vest was clear, I had never not passed something. Until last week, when all of a sudden I didn’t pass my exam. I still have trouble to remember it actually happened, since I was so blindsided when it did. There are probably tons of reason why it happened, but I feel too tired to discuss them. The thing is, it happened. I was completely down for that day – the ground underneath me was taken away and all of a sudden I was trembling. There were so many emotions in me – sadness, unfairness, anger, aggression, happiness, freedom, love, hate.
It was one of the worst experiences that I’ve made, but also one of the most liberating. For the first time in a long time I was 100% honest with myself. My Inner Voice had such a power. All my wishes, believes and dreams came to the surface with such a force. It was overwhelming.
Now, more then one week later, I still think a lot about it all. Mostly because I still have two exams left. To be honest, for some days I wanted to throw it all away. And then I saw this quote:
And it gave me the strength not to throw it all away. I picked myself up. It took a lot of energy – I needed more than 9h of sleep each night last week – but I pulled together all of my strength to stand up, go to university and pick up my best friend from her exam in the same subject, knowing I will meet my professors. I am honestly still surprised that I managed to do so. But I decided to fight! It was a – excuse my words – bullshit experience, BUT I learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. And if nothing more, than how strong I am.
I have to admit it is not easy and it scratched my self-confidence a lot – it still does. I am still trying to find ways to build it up again and I have to admit that I am pretty scared of my last two exams. It is not all pink sparkly bubbles right now. Sometimes life just happens. But it is up for us to decide how we want to deal with it. And I decided to pick myself up and fight. So this is what I am going to do. Luckily with the help of my family and friends. And also yours, because all your comments and support play a big role in it for me.
So maybe we can take this post to support each other. I am sure some of you’ve been through something as “bullshit” as my experience or are still in need for some pushing up – sure I am. And maybe you have tips and tricks that you feel for sharing. Or maybe you want to write down what you are struggling with in life right now. I would be happy to help&support with what I can: listening and writing back whatever advice I can give. So feel free to write in the comments below or send me a more private message via email@example.com
Puh, now I need some chocolate. Writing this did cost a little more energy than expected: )
Love you all.