Last night I was laying on my couch, browsing through the internet, being lazy, but not completely satisfied, when my mom called to check in. We started talking and I told her that I had been having a headache the whole day and that I was pretty exhausted from the last busy days. All of a sudden she started to push me to go for a run. At first I got a little angry inside – how dare she thinks she know best for me and wakes up my bad conscious? But she did. And all of a sudden I found myself outside, with my sport shoes on, running outside. And I started to think…
Over the last weeks I came to the conclusion that each of us is parted in two: There is the Outer Me, that gets stressed by exams, that want’s to eat too much chocolate, that thinks it has to behave a certain way, that wants to be lazy, that fits in the society. It is the side that people see the first time they meet you – The Outer Me, that has such a loud voice that it overrules the other part. The Inner Me, the little voice inside of us, that knows exactly what we need, that is dreaming, that lets us know if something is wrong, that is the center of our emotions and the engine of creative works. The Inner Me that hides inside of us and, depending on each person, only shows himself to people we trust, or maybe never shows himself at all to the outside. Of course the Outer and Inner Me talk to each other, sometimes they even argue, both trying to make a stand for themselves. And sometimes they are in perfect harmony, both satisfied and fulfilled.
I believe that we all have an Outer and Inner Me and that, depending on our personality, they are differently balanced. But I think that the Outer Me is often a lot stronger. Not everyone minds that unbalance between the two, I guess a big amount among us is quite fine the way it is. But I am not. I am aiming to find that Inner Me, to give it more attention, make it stronger and to listen to what I really have to say.
If you don’t start listening to yourself, you might never know what you truly wish for in life.
So what does all of that have to do with running? Well, I figured something out during my run, that I probably wrote in my diary more than 10 times: Running and my Inner Me have a direct connection. As soon as I have my shoes on, I start to talk. It seems that there is a spring inside of me, full of ideas, dreams and wishes, that only needs attention to start bubbling. Everything that is often shut down by my Outer Me comes to the surface. If you would stop me during my run and ask me what I wish for in life, what I wish to be doing in 1 year and what my dreams are, I could give you an exact answer. Right then I could. My Inner Me is stronger, overpowering my Outer Me.
I guess with my run last night, I understood the meaning of this quote a lot better. And it is so true. Whatever was going on in my life the last two years since I started running, a good run always helped me to solve a problem and find a solution to it. So running is like a therapy, because it is the time you actually get to listen to what your Inner Me has to say and I believe the answer to every problem lies right in us, we just need to be able to listen. Well the question that I ask myself is how I can make that Inner Me even stronger, because I do believe that it did get a lot louder over the last two years. I know running helps me and I remember feeling the same when I did Yoga on a regular basis while I was in the states for one year. So is it the physical activity that quiets the Outer Me and let’s the Inner Me come to the surface? And what about meditation? Isn’t it the goal of meditation to listen to your Inner Me and forget about everything the Outer Me is stressed about?. The problem is that I know how good running is for me, I keep figuring it out over and over again, so how come that I keep forgetting about it too? Why is it that sometimes we know exactly what we need to do and simply don’t do it? Are we humans that lazy? And if so, why? I truly don’t understand how I can know exactly what to do to feel better and sometimes still have such a hard time to do so. Why do we let the Outer Me overrule the Inner Me?
With this post I covered only a tiny little bit of all the thoughts I have right now. I got so inspired the last weeks and I feel I am in the middle of learning a lot about myself and my own lifestyle. I’ve changed in the past and think some more changes are going to come in the near future. I don’t know. But I thought I might start to write some more about my, not sure how to call it, maybe my philosophy of life.
I don’t know if any one of you can rely on what I wrote just now, but I hope you do. This is just a draft, I didn’t edit this text to much and simply let my Inner Me write everything down after my run. I hope it is somehow understandable. If you have any thoughts, ideas, feelings, please let me know in the comments below. I am very curious about your reaction about this text, because it did take me some courage to press publish and I have no idea if I might sound a little crazy : )