Today has been the most relaxing day in a while. As you know my brother was in town for two weeks: pure bliss! We, including the bf, got along so well. Not once I was even slightly annoyed. But the time came to say goodbye.
First to my bf, who is studying a class in Italy for two weeks. And yesterday my brother. I have to admit I was slightly nervous when he left. I know myself: I am not good with goodbyes – I cry, always. If not in front of the beloved one, then hidden behind the bathroom door. And I also suck at being by myself at first. Living together with my bf has improved my life so much, that I can never picture even two weeks without him. But the truth is, I can. It might not be easy at all times, but I can. And I actually need to be. Every once in a while I need to be alone for some days. I guess each of us does. To stay independent. To be aware of our needs. To dream. To miss. To see the good. To be able to embrace this feeling that you get when your beloved one comes back.
Last night after I came home from my 9,5h shift, I was super nervous about entertaining myself. I thought I would come home to my empty house and would get upset the minute I walked through the door. But I opened the door, I stepped in, I saw the emptiness, I got upset for a second, just before I remembered how lucky I was to love someone this much, that being without them could even break my happiness. It might sound weird, but realizing this actually made me very happy. And it helped to get over this minute of sadness.
It’s been a year since we moved together and four years since I moved 800km away from my family. The beginning was hard. But I got better. I am getting better at saying goodbye. I am getting better in seeing the good in leaving. I am getting better in something that I would consider one of my biggest “problems”. Step by step. Moment after moment.
Home alone. I am enjoying my Sunday. Making pancakes for myself, reading through more than 100 posts, that I haven’d had the time to read yet. Getting inspired. Watching some TV shows. Editing my pictures from Straßbourg. Dancing around in the flat, while listening to whichever song crossed my mind. Living in my own pace. I enjoyed all of that while looking forward to be together again. To hug my beloved ones and welcome them back. This feeling you get the minute they walk towards you, that is what is good in saying goodbye.